Friday, December 12, 2008

Why Men Are Happier
This was sent to me by my friend, Michael Aun. Enjoy!

We men are such simple creatures. Our lives seem to have been simplified by the nature of our sex. What do you expect from such simple creatures? Here are just a few items that come to mind.

Your last name stays put. You don’t have any of this nonsense of changing the name when you get married or adding hyphens.

The garage is all yours. It’s bad enough you have to share 90% of your closet with your better half. You deserve to get 90% of the garage.

Wedding plans take care of themselves. A man’s job is to show up and remember two words- I do! Wedding dress- $5,000. Tux rental- $100.

Chocolate is just another snack like beer or peanuts.

You can be President.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park or you can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth and you know what they’re talking about.

The world is your bathroom. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too “icky.”

Toilet seats should always remain up. No, we don’t know how to change the toilet paper and we aren’t interested in learning.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. None of those nursery rhymes like “lefty loosy and righty tighty.”

Wrinkles add character, and yes, round is a shape.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected and should be applauded. When a group of men get together to watch the race, it closely resembles choir practice.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

Men have one mood all the time (in my case, usually a bad mood).

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. The hello usually goes like this… “Yo, Aun here.” The goodbye… “later.”

Men know stuff about tanks, planes, wars and sports.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. Why do you need to take 10 pair of shoes on a vacation?

Men can open all their own jars. The best advertising gimmick I ever came up with was a rubber jar opener that I give my audiences with the inscription under my picture that says, “Let Mike Turn You Aun.” Bah-dah-boop!

Men get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, we forgive them. They can still be our friend. We really didn’t want to go anyway.

Men’s underwear is $14.95 for a three-pack, not $150.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

Men never have strap problems in public.

And we believe, if it itches, it’s okay to scratch it.

Men are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck… and occasionally your back and ears.

Men can play with toys all our lives. Only the price of our toys changes.

Our belly usually hides our hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.

Men can wear shorts no matter how our legs look and we can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.

We can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

And, by the way, birthdays, Valentines and anniversaries are just not that big of a deal. A card for her should be sufficient along with some chocolate candy from the 7-11 and we’d be just a pleased if you skip the card and just by us a six pack of beer.

If you ask a question that you don’t want the answer to, expect to get the answer you don’t want to hear.

By the way, foreign films are for foreigners.

No wonder men are happier.

Michael is a very accomplished professional speaker. You may contact him at

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